West Ham have finally told Julen Lopetegui to show himself through the door marked Do One … just as soon as he has finished taking training. Yep, awkward’s the word. Graham Potter, who may be hiding around the corner from Rush Green, is poised to take over having been offered a longer two-and-a-half-year deal. “The first half of the 2024-25 season has not aligned with the club’s ambitions and the club has therefore taken action in line with its objectives,” said a West Ham suit.
TALKING BALLS
Following Arsenal’s 2-0 first-leg defeat by Newcastle in the Milk Cup semi-final, Mikel Arteta thumbed through his Big Book o’ Excuses and settled on balls. Not the anatomical subset that some observers might suggest his wayward finishers were lacking, nor the randomised porcelain orbs that left his team facing the in-form Magpies rather than, say, Tottenham, in a two-legged battle for Wembley. No, Arteta was talking about the actual matchball, which he implied was at least partly responsible for his misfiring Gunners sending 20 of their 23 shots high or wide of the target.
“It’s just different,” Arteta parped of the Puma-made ball. “Very different to a Premier League ball, and you have to adapt to that because it flies differently,” he muttered, prodding the Orbita 1 (£100 RRP) like a penny floater outside a petrol station. “When you touch it the grip is very different as well so you adapt to that.” That’ll be the 3D textured 1.2mm PU surface, offering improved durability and aerodynamics. And what’s this? According to Puma, the Orbita’s unique eight-panel configuration actually creates larger panels for better connection with the ball. Oh, Mikel! You’ve embarrassed yourself there.
Other than showing he truly is a manager made in Pep Guardiola’s image, Arteta also did something of a disservice to Alexander Isak and Anthony Gordon, who both somehow managed to force Puma’s garish monstrosity into the Arsenal net. Isak’s finish was particularly impressive, sand-wedged over David Raya and in off the bar – extending his scoring run to 14 goals in 15 games, dating back to his winner against Arsenal back in November. If you had to pick a forward to convert a scoring chance to save your life, right now you would probably pick Isak – as opposed to, say, anyone wearing red on Tuesday night.
All of which highlights the fact that Isak is exactly what Arsenal need: a quick, smart and clinical striker, and also just a chill guy who doesn’t really give a flying one. The languid forward will surely star in a straight-to-ITVX buddy-cop drama alongside Gordon one day (with Eddie Howe as the increasingly exasperated police chief). Before then, Newcastle will have a cup final to attend, unless Arsenal can sharpen up their ball-striking skills. Much like Arteta perusing the outer surface of the Orbita 1 (colourway: dandelion), we are left with questions. Firstly: can a Tottenham v Newcastle final actually happen? Or would the guarantee of one of these clubs winning a major trophy rip a hole in the fabric of our universe? Also: at what point in Newcastle’s feelgood, freewheeling run do we need to talk about, you know, the thing? And most important of all: when did Carabao start making Tin? Perhaps Jason Tindall snuck a crate into the home dressing room; it would make more sense than anything Arteta has come up with.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Rob Smyth from 8pm GMT for hot minute-by-minute coverage of Tottenham 2-3 Liverpool in the first leg of their Milk Cup semi-final.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
He would like to yes, obviously. Anybody would want to – so would I. His grandmother was born in Liverpool, and we have relatives in Liverpool, and we were fortunate to know quite a lot of the Beatles because they grew up with some of my family. So, we are attached to Liverpool, you know” – Errol Musk comes up with all kinds of emotional reasons as to why his son would be up for buying the Premier League leaders. The way he’s carrying on we’re guessing the Musk family originated on Scottie Road, had regular knees-ups in the Grafton, got their chippy tea in the Lobster Pot and knew all the words to Poor Scouser Tommy.
‘Let me tell you the story of a poor boy …’ Photograph: Evan Vucci/AP
‘We kicked a lot of balls over the bar, and it’s tricky that these balls fly a lot’ reminds me of the old definition of chutzpah; a boy who kills his parents and then asks the judge for a lighter sentence because he’s an orphan” – Noble Francis.
Paul Scholes (and many others) going in two-footed on Big Sir Jim Ratcliffe (yesterday’s Football Daily, full email edition). Has everyone forgotten who still owns most of the club? In exchange for selling 28.9% of Manchester United, the Glazers have managed to deflect 100% of the negative attention – and trousered more than £1bn in the process. Cynically brilliant business as usual from that family” – Adam Elder.
Should Nottingham Forest start believing in Leicester-like miracles (yesterday’s Football Daily)? More to the point, if they do a Leicester, what then? See Leicester” – Bruce Ellis.
Alec Johns should have got letter of the day yesterday. Can I just take a moment to acknowledge his astonishing feat of memory. I’m sure I’m not the only one of 1,057 to wonder how the heck did he remember that? Does he have an encyclopaedic memory of all Big Paper/Website content from the past couple of decades? In which case, good luck metabolising all those oddly frequent articles about whether or not we can cheat ageing and achieve immortality, or is it simply that it was the only memorable and interesting thing he read in Big Paper/Website in 14 years? Either way, subscribing to the daily
driveloutput of the Daily must be mental torture, so hats off for fortitude” – Jon Millard.
Send letters to [email protected]. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Adam Elder. Terms and conditions for our competitions – when we have them – can be viewed here.
